


Roars of Thunder

by hollyblue2



Series: The Archangel [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Deaths, I promise, M/M, Nightmares, Timestamp, non con use of sleeping draughts, sleeping draughts, that were in Angels of the Sea, with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 04:17:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8607280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyblue2/pseuds/hollyblue2
Summary: Castiel hasn't been sleeping and won't tell Dean why. He's a wreck, staying out on the figurehead when it's freezing cold and leaving Dean to drag him in.Dean has an idea of giving him a sleeping draught to help him sleep.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a timestamp for Angels of the Sea, I would highly recommend that you read that one first as this contains spoilers of deaths from that fic. It could possibly work as a standalone however, but there's a fair few references to the first fic.

Dean dozed lightly, coming into port had been hard work as usual. They’d finally arrived at Arlun nearly a month later than planned due to a shift in wind direction. The weather had changed drastically now that winter was setting in. The port was covered in a fine sprinkling of snow which had dampened the smog surrounding the small portside town.

He waited for the tell-tale sound of Castiel joining him to turn in for the night; soft footsteps and the door to their cabin creaking. Dean mentally reminded himself he should fix that; a little chain oil would do the trick.

Castiel never came in. Dean sighed, this was the third night in a row that Castiel hadn’t come to bed and it was really beginning to cause Dean concern. He had tried to speak to him, but only received a cold shoulder that was considerably unlike him.

Dean dragged a hand over his face before pulling back the covers and tensing against the chill air. His breath fogged in front of him and he shivered. Throwing on his thickest clothes and pulling on his new leather boots that had a warming layer within, he crept out on to the upper deck to find Castiel.

It was no surprise where he found him. Hunched up in Dean’s favoured spot upon a shoulder of the figurehead. It was far too cold for him to be out here, especially when he wasn’t wearing many warm clothes.

Before Dean approached him, he took a detour to the stores cupboard and pulled out two thick blankets. He bundled them up in his arms and hoped that his own warmth would seep into them.

“Cas?” Dean whispered tentatively as he neared him. He didn’t want to startle him, it was the middle of the night and he doubted Castiel was expecting anybody around.

“Hello, Dean.” Came the sleepy, instinctive reply and Dean took that as an admittance to go up and join him. After three nights of no sleep, the last thing he wanted was to do something wrong.

Without even thinking he shrouded Castiel in both blankets after noticing him shivering. His teeth chattering a little and hands flexing against the cold before being tucked between his thighs.

“You should come to bed.” Dean said, he reached for Castiel’s shoulder and lay a gentle hand on it. Castiel recoiled from his touch like his hands were fire hot. “Cas? It’s just me.” Dean reassured.

Something wasn’t right. This wasn’t the way Castiel acted, sure, he could be a little aloof and cold at times, but never towards Dean.

Dean took his time to really look at Castiel, hunched up, eyes unfocused but staring quite obviously at the stormy sky above them. He looked lost. Castiel never looked lost.

“What’s the matter, Cas? You haven’t slept for days. It’s freezing out here.” Dean wanted to drag Castiel back inside and smother him with their duck down quilt, wrap his arms around him until his teeth stopped chattering and his limbs stopped quaking.

Castiel didn’t answer, he just seemed to curl up into himself more. Dean knew he had to take action, he’d only catch his death if he were out here any longer.

Dean climbed partway down before reaching back up to Castiel. The other man flinched as Dean took hold of him but Dean did his best to ignore it. Castiel needed to be inside, no matter what. He managed to pull Castiel down and into his arms before carting him to their cabin. No one was here to see them and Castiel clearly wasn’t up for protesting.

Despite the chill Dean felt in their cabin earlier, it certainly felt a lot warmer than it was outside. Dean stripped a somewhat dazed and quiet Castiel with ease and got him into their bed, pulling the quilt over them followed by their two thick blankets.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Cas.” Dean pleaded. His heart was beating hard and fast in his chest and he lay an arm over Castiel’s freezing body. It was like sleeping with a block of ice.

“There’s a storm coming.” The words were ominous and quiet, hardly even a whisper but it was the first thing Castiel had said since his name.

“Yeah, sky looked pretty daring. Will you sleep?” Dean wondered, he let his hand trace the pronounced knobs on Castiel’s spine. He was glad Castiel didn’t flinch away from his touch and instead sighed quietly.

Castiel stilled and Dean guessed he’d gone to sleep so Dean followed him into slumber, curled up against him.

Dean rose early the next morning. Castiel had already slipped out of bed without Dean noticing. Dean pulled on his warm clothes and fur lined boots before heading towards the mess for breakfast.

While Dean hadn’t always been a fan of warmed oats for breakfast, he relished in the warming sensation it gave him in the frosty mornings. A fine layer of snow had settled on the deck overnight and it made the deck glint from the sun peeking out between the thick cloud.

Dean spotted Castiel by the hull of the ship, he was wearing his thicker jacket which was good because at least he had some semblance of warmth. He looked tired though, his entire body drooping with weariness, pace sluggish as he followed Charlie around the chart table. It made Dean ache inside but he didn’t know what he could do to help. He couldn’t force Castiel to talk, he’d tried that. If anything it seemed to make Castiel close up more.

He didn’t want to bother Castiel, his unwillingness to stay in bed made that clear. Dean was missing the warm lazy mornings they had wrapped up in each other trading kisses and sometimes slow, sleepy blow jobs. He just didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that Castiel needed to sleep. He figured a good night’s rest or two would send Castiel on his way to feeling better, feeling less grouchy, and more likely to open up to Dean and about what was causing him so much distress.

Dean leant against the side of the ship, feeling the frosty chill running over the fine hairs at the back of his neck. He watched as people busied around doing their jobs. They’d be leaving the port in the next couple of days. Benny needed new rope and was waiting for it to be finished by the rope maker. Dean turned to face the ports, scanning the low built shops for inspiration.

Tucked at the edge of the port with a small jetty facing the lapping water was a much quieter and darker shack. Strange markings lined the roofing and large charms dangled from the overhang. Dean contemplated a spell making Castiel go to sleep. No, it was a stupid thought, the last time they’d messed with magic it had nearly cost Castiel his life and Dean wasn’t prepared to go through that again any time soon.

He would check it out anyway, perhaps the owner would have something for Castiel. Maybe some concoction of herbs that would let him have a restful night. That was it, Dean pulled his jacket closer and took a detour into his cabin to grab some gold coins. He stashed them in a leather pouch before hiding them in a concealed pocket within his jacket. He’d learnt to do that the hard way when he was a pouch of gold was stolen from his pocket in one of the shadier ports, he’d ended up with a black eye, a gash to his arm from an unsuspecting dagger and painful ribs.

Heading back out, Dean made his way over to Castiel. He’d let him know he was going into the port for a few hours before he disappeared.

Castiel was deep in conversation with Benny and Zachariah, pointing at the ropes and up to where Sam had climbed. He felt a little uneasy at Sam being up so high, but he was seventeen now, practically taller than Dean and had certainly learnt to look after himself.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean interrupted quietly. The conversation had dimmed a little as he approached, Castiel having realised that Dean would want to talk to him.

“Dean,” there was a small twitch of a smile but nothing more and I faded quickly. Benny and Zachariah scuttled off elsewhere and Sam remained up the top of the mast patiently.

“I’m heading into the port, there’s something I want to get. Can I get you anything?” He asked, he stood close – closer than necessary – as he longed for contact from his lover.

“No, thank you, Dean.” Castiel replied quietly. Before Castiel could move away, Dean caught him and placed a peck on his cheek. Dean ignored the flinch as best he could, just hoping this wasn’t going to be the end of what they had. He wasn’t sure how he’d cope with that. Dean plastered a smile on his face to hide his wayward thoughts.

“I love you, Cas, you know that right?”

Castiel didn’t answer.

“I’ll see you later, Cas.” Dean acquiesced. He wanted to shout and yell and cause chaos towards Castiel, get him to react – get him to tell Dean something. But there was nothing to fight here, Castiel was as stubborn as Dean was – if he didn’t want to talk, he wasn’t going to.

“See ya later, Dean!” Sam yelled from the top and waved frantically. That was something Dean could really smile about and waved back before heading off the ship.

The store was brighter up close than it had looked when he’d seen it from afar. Sigils and symbols lined the walls inside and out and gave the place an eerie feel to it. Perhaps this was a bad idea after all.

“Or maybe you’re exactly where you’re meant to be, Dean Winchester.” A woman’s voice said behind him.

Dean started. His heart beat erratically and his body tensed from head to foot. It took him a moment to unfreeze and turn towards the voice.

A dark skinned woman, kind looking, lurked behind him. She smiled, and inclined her head towards her shack. It barely even occurred to Dean that she knew his name when she had never seen him before. 

“What can I do for you?” She asked, sitting down on a large, high backed arm chair and picked up a set of knitting needles, twisting and turning a ball of dark yarn between them.

“You – you knew my name, how?” Dean spluttered. He wanted to give off an air of confidence but that had been thrown in the water already it seemed.

“I’m a psychic, of course I know who you are. My name is Missouri,”

“Then you know why I’m here?” He challenged.

“No, your mind seems... undecided.” She mused stepping closer. She smelled of herbs and flowers, not strong but obviously there and it was nice – homey even. Dean resisted stepping back as the older lady reached out a hand. She tilted her head as if to get a better read on him and it reminded him instantly of Castiel. He missed him. “Ah. I see now. There is someone you love.”

Dean nodded simply and the woman curled her fingers round his cheek; there was no malice towards him, just something akin to motherliness or what Dean assumed it would be like. His own mother had died when he was just four years old, he’d had seventeen years without his mother but this felt just like he remembered.

“He’s not sleeping. Hasn’t been for days. I’ve tried – I’ve tried everything I can think of and now I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure why I came here. Maybe I thought you could help. I don’t want magic. I won’t do that to him. Not again.”

Dean saw the woman’s eyes flick down to the amulet strung round his neck and she made an unsure noise.

“So you’re after a sleeping draught?” She concluded.

“I think so.” Dean still wasn’t wholly on board with the idea of forcing Castiel to sleep.

“You in or you out, boy?” She pressed raising a brow.

Dean had to make the decision. At least if he went for the herbs he could always end up not giving them to Castiel.

“I’m in.” He answered more confidently.

“Alright then, you sit yourself down and I’ll be back with your sleeping draught.”

The chair she pointed to looked ancient and rickety and far from safe to sit on but he went anyway. The chair wobbled as he sat and he made a conscious effort to sit still as he waited. It was hard, he needed to fiddle, wring his hands and tap his feet; anything to take his mind off the situation.

It seemed forever before the woman came back. She held a small phial in her palm and held it out to him. The liquid within looked uninviting, a dark murky colour.

“I wouldn’t suggest giving it to him on its own, it won’t taste nice. Ask him to put it in his tea.” She explained. Dean took the phial from her, suddenly feeling a little guilt. He wasn’t exactly planning on telling Castiel about the sleeping draught.

“Thank you,” He said quietly.

“Dean?” He looked up to the woman’s stern gaze. “I hope you ain’t planning anything malicious with that.”

“No, ma’am, wouldn’t dream of it.” She gave him an incredulous look as if she didn’t believe him. “I promise.” It was the truth. He hoped she sensed that.

“Alright then. Off you go, dear.”

“Wait, how much do I owe you?” Dean wondered, he pulled out the small pouch, coins rattling against each other within.

“How much are you willing to pay for his need to sleep?” She asked him with a smile. Dean wasn’t sure how much that was though, he had six gold coins and a handful of silver in the pouch. He’d give it all if he had to. “It’s okay, no need to worry yourself over it.” She reassured. “One gold coin is all I ask for. I’m happy I could help you. I hope he has a better night sleep.”

Dean fished out one of the gold coins and handed it to her. “Thank you, Missouri. I appreciate this.”

Dean got back to the ship not too long before it became dark. The days were shorter now winter was setting in and the weather seemed to get colder as the evening drew into night. There was no one except for Zachariah, who was doing his rounds, on the main deck. As he boarded, Zachariah glanced over at him to check who it was and his gaze shifted to a spot elsewhere.

When Dean followed his line of sight, he saw a figure stood against the ledge.

Knowing exactly who it was, Dean crossed the deck with the sleeping draught feeling as though it was burning a dishonest hole in his pocket. He stood next to Castiel, leaving room between them. He ached to move closer but resisted just know it was probably unwanted. Whatever Castiel was going through it was breaking him, breaking them both.

“Cas? Will you come rest with me? It’s much warmer inside.”

“I’m okay.” Castiel replied. Dean’s heart jumped that Castiel even responded to him.

“Please,” Dean never thought he’d have to beg Castiel inside and now he’d done it several times in the last few days.

“Don’t... Dean, I’m fine.” It was hard to argue with Castiel’s voice being so quiet, distant. It was enough for Dean to make up his mind, however, he would give the sleeping draught to Castiel.

“I... I’ll bring you up some tea – to warm you up.” Dean said. Castiel didn’t speak nor do anything that suggested he’d heard him. It was as if he’d gone back into his own mind again.

He didn’t want to leave Castiel up there when he knew how cold it was but once he made his tea he could pull a hopefully sleepy Castiel into their cabin for the evening and let him sleep.

Dean placed the tea leaves on top of a silk square before tying it up and putting it inside a cup. Dean poured a fresh pot of boiling water on top letting the silk encased tea leaves infuse into the water without the bits floating in it.

He remembered Castiel telling him about the tea people and how they showed him how to use the silk bags the proper way. A small smile picked at his lips and a little warmth replaced his cold insides, that was how it should be.

Fishing inside his jacket, Dean pulled out the small phial. He stared at it for a long while, the small bottle of liquid guilt. He had half a mind to smash it on the deck and forget about it, maybe he’d just beg Castiel to sleep – pester him enough to make him tell him.

“Hey Chief.”

Dean started, the glass phial wobbling but remaining standing next to the steaming cup. He wouldn’t have chance to hide it, not without looking suspicious.

“Hey.”

“What’cha got there?” Benny asked, nodding to the small bottle.

“I – er – it’s a sleeping draught.”

“Ya havin’ trouble sleepin’?” He wondered, concern lacing his features as he moved closer.

Dean shook his head. “Not for me. S’for Cas.” Dean sighed, looking to the floor to hide his guilt.

“Ya think that’s the best idea? I know he ain’t been sleepin’ well recently.” Benny leaned against the counter and removed his hat, he ran his fingers over the leather rim to distract himself before pulling at the blue bandana and tugging it from his head.  Underneath, Benny’s hair was ruffled, much like Castiel’s was all the time. Just another thing reminding him of Castiel.

“He’s not been sleeping at all, Benny. I didn’t know what to do. He’s exhausted, if he goes on much longer he’ll take ill and I don’t wanna do that again.” Dean explained. He was placing up and down the small galley space, hands balled into fists so he wasn’t tempted to hit anything.

“Is it gonna hurt him?”

“What? No! I couldn’t do that to him. You know that!” He was horrified Benny would ask such a thing.

“Chill, Chief.” He laughed. “If it ain’t gonna hurt him and it’s just gonna send ‘im to sleep, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Dean stopped pacing, turning to Benny wide-eyed. Benny had the sleeping draught in his hand and holding it out for Dean to take.

“It’s okay?” Dean wanted – needed – the assurance from him. Benny was one of Castiel’s most loyal shipmates after all.

“It’s okay, chief.”

“Okay.” Dean took the sleeping draught from Benny’s hand and opened it up. A strong smell of flowers and herbs puffed from the tiny bottle before dissipating into the air.

He put only a few drops into Castiel’s tea and stirred it in. A quick, discreet sniff told him it didn’t smell any different to how the tea normally smelled. Benny gave him a nod before he left and Dean sighed, telling himself it would work out fine.


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel hated feeling so out of it. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time, not since the first year after his little brother Samandriel died. After that, Gabriel had always been the one to comfort him; his playful antics keeping him amused and distracted as both a child and an adult.

Gabriel was gone now. He was no longer there to distract him and be his big brother. He’d never learned to cope without his brother at his side, he’d never had to. Replays of Gabriel disappearing over the side of the ship plagued his days and the image of the sword being plunged into his father’s chest tormented the times he tried to sleep, his little brother always there and holding his hand.

He shivered as a bitter chill crept down his spine. He hadn’t been warm in a few days, hadn’t slept in a few days, barely eaten anything in the past few days. He was breaking, he could feel it.

Dean was there, but he wasn’t Gabriel. Dean loved him too much and tried to take care of him like a father would with his sick child. That wasn’t what he needed, but what he needed he couldn’t have ever again.

Dean seemed to have that instinct about him, protecting those he loved and Castiel wanted – so much – for it to help him. He wanted Dean’s gentle kisses and soothing arms to drag him away from his plaguing thoughts. He wanted to sleep, wanted to dream of the times ahead of them and the places they were going to visit and explore.

Castiel longed to feel warm again, to feel _anything_ again. Dean was bringing him tea and felt better that he missed Dean being beside him. He knew the tea would warm him through and he told himself that if Dean asked him to go to sleep, he would – if only for Dean’s sake. He shouldn’t have to worry as much as he does.

He felt eyes on him again as Zachariah made his rounds, he didn’t turn, just kept his eyes on the darkening open ocean in front of him. He imagined what lived beneath the murky depths and wondered if any creatures he’d been told about existed, or if they were simply fairy tales.

There was a storm on the horizon. Dark clouds and rain and thunder. It was the last thing he needed, another storm to remind him that his brother was dead. He could hear the loud booms of thunder echoing over the water. It was miles away, but it was getting closer. Maybe the storm would wipe away some of the cold frost, maybe it would make it worse; he didn’t really know, didn’t want to care.

Castiel sighed, breath forming a cloud in front of him. Dean seemed to be taking his time making his tea and the more he thought about it, the more he was looking forward to it. He’d already told himself he’d try harder for Dean. He had already noticed that the two of them were unintentionally drifting apart a little and it was all of Castiel’s doing because he wouldn’t talk to Dean. He clearly remembered Dean’s muttered words of him being _a stubborn asshole._ Not that he could blame him of course, he didn’t know what was stopping him really. The anniversary of his brother’s death was looming and it made him jittery and quiet and Gabriel wasn’t there and Dean was trying too hard. It was all just too much.

“Hey Cas,” Dean said being him. He hadn’t heard him return and started when he heard the voice. _Try for Dean._

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel tore his eyes away from the ocean to see Dean, holding a steaming cup in his hand. He forced a smile on his face and took the cup, instantly pressing it to his lips to slurp up the liquid warmth.

Dean smiled, though the dark circles under his eyes made him look less than happy. _His fault._ “This is nice,” Castiel told him. _Try for Dean._

“I’m glad, will you come to bed tonight? We don’t have to sleep, just please come to bed.” Dean was practically pleading.

“I will. I’m not sure I’ll sleep though.” Castiel found himself admitting.

A hand touched his cheek, cold against his flushed features. “What’s going on with you, Cas?” A clap of thunder sounded, breaking the moment and making them both jump. “Maybe we should head inside before the rain starts.”

Castiel just nodded. He felt some sort of relief that he didn’t get chance to answer Dean’s question. His eyes were beginning to feel heavy, limbs sluggish. Exhaustion must be catching up, he thought.

Dean took his hand and Castiel didn’t pull away as he was led to their cabin.

The oil lamps had already been lit and were casting a warm glow throughout their small, shared space. Castiel set his tea down on the nightstand and began to disrobe. His fingers were uncooperative when it got to his shirt buttons, his eyes were blurry.

“Dean?” He was there before he even blinked. Something wasn’t right.

“It’s okay, Cas. Let me help. We’ll get you into bed for a good night’s sleep and you’ll be fine by the morning. You’ve exhausted yourself.” Dean unbuttoned Castiel’s shirt and pulled it off his arms, leaving him in his underwear and an undershirt. Castiel sat down heavily on the bed and let Dean swing his legs up and under the thick duck down quilt.

He savoured the weight as his eyelids drooped.

“I can’t go to sleep, Dean.” Castiel complained as he yawned. “I don’t want to go to sleep.” Castiel’s voice was barely a whisper. Thunder clashed outside, the storm Castiel had forewarned earlier right over them now.

“I’m sorry, Cas. I love you.” The last thing Castiel felt was the most tender kiss to his forehead before his eyes closed.

_Castiel woke to the sound of shouting. It was coming from every direction. Thunder roared overhead loudly and he could hear the rain lashing against the ship._

_Someone was tapping his shoulder, prodding at his side and he could hear crying. Vision focusing, he saw his brother. Young Samandriel, all of four years old. His face reddened and his eyes streaming tears._

_“Cas... Cassie, wake up!” He cried. Castiel got out of his hammock and hugged his brother tight._

_“It’s okay, Sammy.”_

_Castiel’s stomach lurched as a loud crash echoed throughout the ship. Someone was hitting them. Picking up his brother, he stumbled out into the passageway. The ten-year-old kept murmuring to his little brother, telling him it was going to be okay. He didn’t know that, but he knew he needed to console Samandriel._

_“Castiel!” Gabriel shouted. At least it sounded like Gabriel. The man coming towards him was much older than the thirteen-year-old he was expecting. His eyes were still golden and his hair was still long... it was peculiar. “Castiel!”_

_Water cascaded into the passageway. The ship must have been hit. He reached out to take hold of his brothers outstretched hand before the water would engulf them. He was too far away. He ran closer but he didn’t get anywhere. Gabriel was getting further away and he couldn’t reach him. There was a wetness on his face, he thought it might have been the water but he was crying. Great big, fat tears rolling down his face._

_“Gabriel! Don’t go! Gabriel!” He shouted. He held onto Sammy’s hand tightly and waited for the water to overtake them._

_Suddenly, he was drowning. He still had his little brother but he could still see Gabriel ahead of him. He wasn’t trying to swim. He was just floating there in a stasis._

_He went to shout his name again but only bubbles escaped. Thrashing his arms and legs about he attempted to swim closer.  Gabriel was drifting towards them._

_When he was close enough, Castiel reached out, snagging his green jacket in his hands._

_Something wasn’t right._

_There was no way he could stay underwater this long without the need to breathe. Gabriel was already dead in his hand and he was holding on to Sammy for dear life._

_Gabriel’s eyes opened. Bright gold shone from them. His mother opened and for a moment Castiel thought he was alive._

_“Love you, little brother.” The words were loud and clear as if there was no water around them._

_And then there wasn’t._

_He was bone dry, Sammy clinging onto his side. Castiel frowned._

_Something wasn’t right._

_The ship was quiet. Too quiet. He couldn’t hear anything aside from his own breathing._

_Several sets of dice tumbled onto the floor in front of him._

_“Can we play a game, Cassie? Pleeeease!” Samandriel chimed. The little boy bent to pick them up with the hand not holding on to Castiel’s. The dice rolled away. Castiel was pulled along as Samandriel chased the dice, laughing and giggling until they heard voices._

_“Papa?” Samandriel asked, looking up at Castiel, his blue eyes wide with fear._

_Castiel found himself nodding. The door ahead of them creaked open._

_There he was. His father on his knees. Raphael towering over him. Angry words were being conversed but Castiel couldn’t see anything._

_Everything was in black and white but the blood from a cut on his father’s cheek remained a bright crimson._

_“No!” Castiel shouted and ran towards the door, Samandriel still hanging on._

_The door slammed shut in his face. He banged his fist against it, yelling and screaming but it was all muted. No sound, no colour, nothing._

_Something knocked into him from behind. He came face to face with his own self, his fifteen-year-old self with straggly hair and only a little more filled out._

_The door opened with ease for him. The sound of a box of dice dropping was as clear as Caribbean waters._

_“Father!” it wasn’t Castiel shouting. It was his fifteen years old self. He remembered this, he didn’t know how but he knew exactly what was about to happen._

_“Papa!” Samandriel shouted as the blade entered straight into his father’s chest. More bright crimson leaked onto the wooden deck, pooling around him. The blood moved by its own accord, swirling towards him as Raphael saw him. There was rage in his eyes as he pulled the blade from their father’s chest, leaving him in a heap on the floor._

_Samandriel screamed. The blood was sliding between his bare toes, soaking into his sleep clothes. Samandriel was trying to tug his hand away, Castiel was a monster. He backed away, forcing Samandriel to go with him. He was still trying to get away._

_Raphael charged towards them._

_Castiel yelled._

_The door slammed shut._

_Everything changed._

_They were hidden behind a stack of crates on the main deck. Castiel looked down at himself, he was clean – no more blood. He was still dressed in his sleep clothes and his feet were still bare. His father would have a fit if he saw them both on the main deck without their boots on._

_His father was dead though. It wouldn’t matter anymore._

_He heard shouting, swords clanging together and he peered out from the hiding spot. Up on the main deck were red coated pirates. The flag of_ Hell’s King _flew high on the ship next to them._

_Castiel remembered this. He didn’t want to remember this._

_Something wasn’t right._

_Samandriel was looking up to him, fear and questions in his eyes. It was the four-year-old knew what was coming and it scared Castiel._

_He was dreaming. This whole thing was a dream. He could wake up. He could wake up before it happened. He wasn’t going to watch as his baby brother died in his arms again._

_He didn’t know how to wake himself though. Did he have to die to wake up? Maybe falling?_

_“Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!” He muttered to himself._

_“Cas?” Samandriel said. His hand tightened in Castiel’s and he looked down at the young boy._

_“I’m okay. This isn’t real. Okay? Whatever happens, it isn’t real.” He told him. Castiel stood up. He noticed his time he was his twenty-two-year-old self. No longer the ten-year-old he felt like maybe he could protect his little brother. Maybe this wouldn’t end up the nightmare he thought it was. “C’mon, Sammy.”_

_Even if he wanted to, Castiel realised he wouldn’t be able to let go of his brother. It was part of this twisted nightmare and now he realised that he was trapped here by some unknown force he could control it._

_Fighting ensued on the upper deck. Castiel could see Gabriel doing his best to fight, Raphael was there too, as was his father. This was his family. Right there in front of him._

_“Nothing can hurt us.” Castiel explained. “Not if we don’t want it to.”_

_They walked through the fighting. Simply ghosted through swords clashing together. They didn’t even have to step over the bodies of the enemy. The crew of_ Hell’s King _were an almighty force but Castiel knew they were better. He remembered that even though they hadn’t won this fight, losing his little brother and his father’s first mate in the process, the rest of them would come out alive._

_Samandriel kept his eyes on Castiel. He could feel him watching him as they moved. The small hand in his own was warm, he realised, comforting and he almost hoped that this would last forever._

_It was only a dream._

_It wouldn’t last forever and he would wake up as soon as he found a way to free himself from here. He would wake up and go back to his life where Sammy didn’t exist and neither did his father or Gabriel or even Raphael._

_“Cassie!” Samandriel cried. His small hand was ripped from his own and Castiel’s heart ached from the loss. He hadn’t been apart from him since he’d woken up._

_“Sammy!” Castiel looked to see a giant man holding his baby brother by the back of his t-shirt. “Give him back!”_

_There was more commotion behind him. People gathering, chaos, shouting. Somewhere, his father was yelling, telling the man holding Samandriel in one hand and a knife in the other that he had the all the gold and the jewels that he would want._

_“Let him go!” His father yelled. Castiel turned, this was his last chance to see his father alive. It wasn’t what he expected. His father’s face was blurry; he was forgetting what his father looked like. How could he forget. How could he forget the face before the pleading look as he begged his own son not to kill him. How could he forget the face that used to smile at him as he put Castiel on his shoulders so he could pretend he was flying._

_Tears streamed down Castiel’s face. Samandriel was still crying and screaming and squirming, trying to get out of his captor’s grasp._

_“Too late, Novak.”_

_Silence._

_Samandriel was in his arms. Blood everywhere. Little Sammy’s face painted with tears._

_“Sammy...” He carded a hand through his hair as he bundled him in his arms. Gabriel was behind him, a hand on his shoulder that he could even feel. His father in front of him, faceless and fading. Raphael and Lucifer, pale faced and close._

_Samandriel cried, tiny fingers grasping onto Castiel’s shirt._

_He was surrounded in darkness. Everyone had gone leaving just Castiel and Samandriel in a darkened room. Samandriel’s face was pale and he’d stopped crying._

_“Sammy... Sammy?” He tried to shake him. “Sammy!” blood was coating his hands and he tried to shake it off. “Sammy...”_

_“Cas! Cas!” someone else was shouting. He looked around, eyes blurry with tears. But he couldn’t see anyone. “Cas!”_

“Cas!” head pounding, Castiel opened his eyes again. “Oh God, Cas. I’m sorry. I’m sorry...” He didn’t know who was talking. He blinked, grogginess lingering as he tried to make sense of what was happening.

“What – I don’t...” Words failed him. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to regain a sense of composure. Someone was holding him. He could feel someone watching him. There was a heavy quilt over him but he was too hot.

“Cas? It’s me. It’s Dean.” A hand – presumably Dean’s – was stroking down his arm. It wasn’t soothing though, it felt sharp and unwelcome.

“Dean?” it was the first coherent thought he had. He knew where he was now. He was in his cabin. He was in bed with Dean. He remembered he hadn’t wanted to sleep. And he remembered feeling peculiar before Dean got him to bed. Suddenly sober, Castiel turned to Dean. There was concern written all over Dean’s face. “What did you give me?”

Dean’s face fell and he paled. “I...” He looked over to somewhere else and it was then he spotted Benny in the room with him.

“You gotta tell him, chief.”

“Tell me what? What did you do, Dean!?”

Dean felt like he was imposing suddenly. Like he didn’t deserve to be so close to Castiel and extricated himself from him. He stood up.

“I gave you a sleeping draught.” Dean explained quietly.

Castiel narrowed his eyes in response but didn’t say anything for a while, chewing over what Dean told him.

“I can’t believe you.” Castiel said with malice. He threw back the quilt and got out of bed.

“Cas, please...” Dean tried. He saw Castiel flinch at his words and pause at the doorway. Dean pressed his hands to his face, what had he done.

The door slammed shut and Castiel had gone.

“You gotta go after him, chief.”

“You said it would be fine.” Dean grumbled, making no move to leave. Benny gave him a scowl and an annoyed huff, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I thought he knew you were givin’ it to ‘im!” Benny growled.

“He wouldn’t have taken it that way. He would have just turned away and told me he was fine. I had to do something.”

Benny shook his head before moving towards Dean. “You meant good, Dean. I know that. You should go an’ explain yourself to Castiel though.”

“I doubt he’ll even want to look at me now.”

Benny rolled his eyes. “He loves you, for Christ’s sake! Go explain yourself before it’s too late.”

Dean mulled it over. It was stupid really, simple too. All he had to do was tell him why he’d done it without asking first. Hopefully he’d understand without biting his head off. If anything he needed to know where they stood with each other, if Dean had messed it all up. Dean sighed, he was good at that.

“Okay.”

Dean pulled on his jacket and his boots. It was barely even dawn and he shivered just thinking about how cold it was going to be outside. He grabbed Castiel’s jacket from the trunk at the foot of their bed before heading out the door with a nod to Benny before he left.

Castiel was up on the main deck where Dean had found him the night before. He looked frozen over with how still he was looking out over the wintery ocean. Without thinking, Dean wrapped the jacket over Castiel’s shoulder, taking it as a win when Castiel pulled it around himself and relaxed into its warmth. Dean stayed silent but stood next to Castiel, bumping shoulders with him before settling, still in contact with him.

There was no flinch and he didn’t move away.

“Tell me I didn’t mess this up...” Dean said quietly, barely a whisper, but he needed to know. He looked over to Castiel, he noticed the little frown on his face, his brows knitting together. There was a long pause making Dean feel anxious and less positive about the answer.

Castiel’s blue eyes were locked to his then. Expression softened, shoulder pressed more firmly into Dean’s. His eyes were sleep deprived still and Dean felt guilty for it. He’d not got much of a worthwhile sleep with his elongated nightmare.

“You violated my trust. I just don’t understand.” Castiel said eventually.

“Cas, I’m sorry, I shoul-”

“No, you shouldn’t have. Maybe if you’d asked me I would have taken it anyway.” Castiel didn’t break eye contact until he rested his head against Dean’s shoulder with a barely audible sigh. He was angry at Dean, but he couldn’t stay that way forever.

“Cas, please… I’m sorry – for what I did, I shouldn’t have done that, I should have at least told you. God, I was so stupid.” Dean kept his voice quiet, it was still early after all and he didn’t want this turning into a shouting match.

Castiel moved his head from Dean’s shoulder and turned him so they were facing each other. “You’re far from stupid, Dean. I understand. I do. You were trying to help. I know that now. I know that…”

Dean breathed in a deep, jittery breath.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?” Castiel grabbed hold of both of Dean’s hands, clutching them tightly but not painfully so.

“You...” Castiel seemed to choke on his own words for a moment but Dean was patient. “You remember I told you about my little brother?” Dean nodded, not wanting to interrupt Castiel. “Gabriel is normally here on the anniversary of his death. Except he’s not here and that’s what I dreamt of. It was so vivid the first night I was afraid to sleep again. I couldn’t face seeing him die again. It was hard enough the first time.” Tears welled up in Castiel’s eyes but didn’t fall as he remembered the night. “Last night... last night I dreamt of everything. Gabriel died, my father died and Samandriel died and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I knew I was dreaming yet I couldn’t do anything.  I was useless. I’m useless.”

“That’s the last thing you are. You’ve captained this ship for the past five years. You’re twenty-two years old, Cas! That’s far from useless. You got a loyal crew, even when you were being manipulated by your own brother. You’re...” Dean thought for a moment, trying to think of a good word to use. “You’re just... God, there’s no words for you. Amazing, extraordinary!” Dean gave him a small smile, one that breathed hope and tenderness, and hopefully forgiveness. He was still a little irked that Castiel never came to him when he was in need but they could work on that.

As the tears spilled over Castiel’s eyes, Dean was there, thumbing them away and holding his face. Shiny blue eyes looked at him, clearer than they had been in the past few days. Castiel let out a wet noise that was partway between a laugh and a sob. Dean pulled him close, taking advantage of being slightly taller and engulfing Castiel with his whole body. He was relieved when Castiel hugged him back just as tightly.

After what seemed forever, the sun peeking over the horizon and painting the sky in a plethora of colours which bounced of the clouds and made everything glow, Castiel pulled away.

“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel smiled and tipped his head up to press a kiss to Dean’s lips.

“I dunno what you’re thankin’ me for, Cas.” Dean said sheepishly.

“For staying, I guess. Giving me a push in the right direction. I should have come to you but I didn’t. I shut you out but you tried anyway.” Castiel pressed another kiss to Dean’s jawline.

“I ain’t givin’ up on you yet.” Dean reassured. “And anything and I mean _anything_ is bothering you – you can tell me.”

“Of course.” Dean grabbed Castiel round the waist making him yelp far too loudly for the time of day it was and lifted him up.

“It’s too early to be up, we’ve got a while before Sam makes some grub for us to sleep.”

Castiel laughed and Dean only realised then just how much he’d missed the sound even though it hadn’t been that long. He put him back down on the deck before nodding over to the door to head back inside.

“I’m not sure I want to sleep, Dean,”

“I’m here. It’ll be alright.” Dean assured.

“I know, but maybe we could just rest for this morning. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep after last night.” Castiel explained stopping in the doorway beside their cabin.

“Alright. You wanna keep talking about it?” Dean wondered. 

Castiel thought for a moment. His dream had been pretty twisted and the only truths were the deaths of his family everything else was just peculiar. Absent-mindedly he wrung his hands together remembering the blood as he had held Samandriel.

“You okay?”

“I’m okay,” Dean raised his eyebrow, questioningly. “I promise. I’ll tell you later. I just want to lie down and relax for a little bit.”

“Maybe I can help with that.” Dean winked at Cas playfully and grinned at him.

“Tell me I did not just hear that.” Sam said voice was gruff from sleep and his eyes were wide with disbelief.

Dean choked on air.

“I apologise for your brother, Sam.” Castiel said trying not to laugh.

Dean huffed. “Just go make breakfast.” He grumbled.

“You gotta be nice or I won’t make you any.” Sam said poking his tongue out and disappearing into the galley.

“Did you hear that?” Dean exasperated. Castiel hummed, pulling Dean into their cabin. “So much disrespect for me, that little... ugh. Oof!” Castiel yanked Dean onto their bed and pulled the heavy quilt over them. “You don’t even care.” He scoffed indignantly before the corner of his lips curled up in an easy smile.

Castiel smirked. “Of course I do... just want to _relax_.”

Dean shook his head, laughing lightly and peppering kisses down the side of Castiel’s jaw and neck. Things had a way of righting themselves around the ship. A loyal crew did that, Dean would help, Dean would be there for Castiel whenever he needed him and whatever he needed him for. He took the ship’s oath for a reason, he loved Castiel for more reasons. This was a reason to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to suggest a timestamp!
> 
> Kudos and comments fuel my happiness! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Part Two will be up in the next day or two :)
> 
> If you would like to suggest a timestamp for Angels of the Sea, you are free to do so, either in the comments here or my [My Tumblr](http://envydean.tumblr.com/ask), or the first fic.


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